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mc776Harper government suggests removing sexist language from our anthem in the immediate aftermath of a massive orgy of patriotic anthem-waving tinged with widespread outrage over a previous mangling of said anthem, gets inevitable angry emails enhanced by the usual is-ists who'd have resisted any change ever anyway and the usual shitheads who kneejerk about everything "PC", cancels plan disingenuously claiming that the people have spoken.
That said... it did get me thinking about how the anthem could be improved. So I took the idea and ran with it.
I'm not going to try for a total rewrite froms scratch. I don't trust myself not to devolve into regrettable melodrama or irony, and at any rate the appeal to antiquity is helpful in this sort of situation. Instead, I'm going to take a look at the official version plus three runner-ups and try to splice together something better than any of them in isolation.
First, we have Thomas Bedford Richardson's take:
The first couple gladly and loudly embraces the objectionable parts of the official version - both sexist AND immigrant-exclusive. I'll elaborate on this later.
The second line is kinda neat, but the the fridge logic kicks in and you just think of DEAD leaves.
And the rest is openly Christian and (worse) very confusingly archaic.
And THEN it ends with talking about "this nation's thrall" man talk about a downer D:
Conclusion: No.
Mercy E. P. McCulloch's version is noticeably less, um, monocled:
In content the first couplet is the most neutral - perhaps too much so.
I think the worse problem is the very tinny-sounding "ing".
Just thinking about belting out the consonants of "With fertile plains" in song sets my teeth on edge.
The imagery isn't bad, though, except for some reason I keep thinking "fertile" ought to refer to something sexual. o_O
I haven't the faintest clue how to sing "Eternal beauty thou dost stand" in that part of the O Canada melody, which I'd consider a fatal flaw if any one thing could be fatal in song lyrics.
The final line falls a bit flat for me - maybe it just reminds me of people saying grace before dinner more than something grand and collective-transcendence-inspiring.
Conclusion: Keep for ideas if need be.
More famous is Ewing Buchan's version, which was the first alternate set of lyrics I had encountered:
I like this one the best, really, though the British Empire stuff is now just REALLY AWKWARD o_Q
While all four versions presuppose the singer's family goes way back in this country, it's the easiest to read the wording in this version as referring to a cultural heritage rather than a biological one.
The sea to sea imagery, despite being a direct translation of our national motto, is very reminiscent in our American-media-saturated minds of "America the Beautiful". Given the parallel (heh) histories of our countries I don't think this is all that bad; alternatively, it would be a first step in reclaiming the image.
At any rate, the "Pole to borderland" is a wonderfully evocative turn of phrase for the sorts of images that define our country's mythos, before or after 1982.
The most troubling thing for me is the grammatical ambiguity of "Thy worth we praise all other lands above". The intention seems to be "We praise thy worth above all other lands", but I keep hearing it as "We praise all other lands above thy worth".
Conclusion: Crib the first four lines, but get rid of the "above" ambiguity.
And finally, Weir, as officially adopted:
Taken as a whole, I'm convinced that this was the best of the given versions, but simply because it being the status quo I've had more time to think about it my criticisms are somewhat longer.
There's the offending "all thy sons" line. I was uneasy with the sexism when I first heard the anthem at age six, and it's no better with age, but it's also kind of awkward grammatically - I'd parsed it wrongly as "sons' command" for years.
I also misparsed "native land" - keeping in mind I wasn't fluent in English at this point - as an acknowledgment that this land belonged to Natives. When apparently by letting longtime British subjects sing that Canada is their native land it implies the exact opposite of my misparse. o_O At any rate, as a first-gen immigrant I've tended to mumble my way through this line, though we do get a bone thrown to us with "from far and wide".
I had some choice words when they picked "with glowing hearts" as the 2010 motto - the main word being "appropriate", modified by other words like "sentimental", "meaningless" and "sappy". Not a fan.
"Glorious" is somewhat awkward, not for content but phonetics - when sung, the sibilant MAKES ITSELF HEARD in a bad way.
That all said, the official anthem is very easy to remember and the meter fits the melody perfectly, and the Weir version has the most religion-neutral and non-B.E.-dependent final section of all the options available.
Conclusion: Singable but uninspiring. Nonetheless, status quo and the least worst, and a good base.
(A thing I should address at this point, for those of you seeing these lyrics for the first time and noticing how the second half in every set goes: The way I see it, looking at our histories and founding myths and the wording of our Constitutions, Canada is a "Christian country" in a way the United States never was or could be without ceasing to be the United States and becoming Jeezusmerikuh. As such I don't find the overt God stuff in the anthem that objectionable and since it is a common theme for all three versions I'm going to run with it.)
Here's a splice of nearly unmodified lines:
The change - reordering the first "we stand on guard for thee" to make it rhyme with "from pole to borderland" - seems a bit too cutesey-clever for an anthem. I could try writing a brand new line here using another word? Hand? (something about a sword in hand, like in the French language anthem?) Brand? (heh.) Reprimand? (Gawd no.) Grand? (Cue Bugs Bunny saying "Ain't she grand?" ... no.)
...and then it occurs to me:
Actually, maybe I'll replace "whate'er betide" with "O Canada". I like how the official version takes the phrase out of its original context to give it variety while enhancing cohesion and reducing mental overhead in remembering it. Also argh that "e'er" thing
Now that we've got that over with: the "other lands above" problem.
Brainstorming rhymes: above, love, dove, shove, ... and WikiRhymer adds gov, glove and of. :/
Going back to the official version of the first couplet with a word replacement and a reversion to Weir's original wording in the second line, losing a bit of woodiness sadly.
Yeah, "glorious" is still in there, but it's not a bad word at all and I can't think of any alternative that doesn't end with an s. It's the lowest priority change in my mind, of the things I've mentioned.
The "unflinchingly we'll stand" still bothers me, though, now that "whate'er betide" is gone. Stand for what? It's just barely more sensical than "with glowing hearts". D: Maybe "on guard for thee" instead, though again that inversion, while really just motivated by desire for rhyme, just screams "self-absorbed Shakespear wannabe".
Going back to rhyme brainstorming. Command, land, sand, hand, gland, banned, fanned, demand, remand, canned, bland, brand, planned, band, expand. Blah.
Putting "Pole" last is not good, since we'd lose the transition from "length" and "borderland" to "far and wide".
Although, speaking of that transition... pole, borderland... borderland, pole... wide, tall, one, many...and now that I think about I just remembered I had a thing to deal with "glorious" long ago.
...and fine, I'll keep the stupid glowy hearty whatever.
[2015-10-09]
"From far and wide, O Canada" loses the rhyme that was in wide/betide and sing/king.
What rhymes with wide... don't want to use pride. Abide?
Sacred... NOW I am uncomfortable with that.
In contrast, a lot of the stuff about fathers, etc. is in retrospect much less objectionable since a good deal of worse is in my daily prayer rule. Intellectually the objection remains, but I'm going to allow a bit more compromise.
So that all said:
That said... it did get me thinking about how the anthem could be improved. So I took the idea and ran with it.
I'm not going to try for a total rewrite froms scratch. I don't trust myself not to devolve into regrettable melodrama or irony, and at any rate the appeal to antiquity is helpful in this sort of situation. Instead, I'm going to take a look at the official version plus three runner-ups and try to splice together something better than any of them in isolation.
First, we have Thomas Bedford Richardson's take:
O Canada! Our fathers' land of old
Thy brow is crown'd with leaves of red and gold.
Beneath the shade of the Holy Cross
Thy children own their birth
No stains thy glorious annals gloss
Since valour shield thy hearth.
Almighty God! On thee we call
Defend our rights, forfend this nation's thrall,
Defend our rights, forfend this nation's thrall.
The first couple gladly and loudly embraces the objectionable parts of the official version - both sexist AND immigrant-exclusive. I'll elaborate on this later.
The second line is kinda neat, but the the fridge logic kicks in and you just think of DEAD leaves.
And the rest is openly Christian and (worse) very confusingly archaic.
And THEN it ends with talking about "this nation's thrall" man talk about a downer D:
Conclusion: No.
Mercy E. P. McCulloch's version is noticeably less, um, monocled:
O Canada! in praise of thee we sing;
From echoing hills our anthems proudly ring.
With fertile plains and mountains grand
With lakes and rivers clear,
Eternal beauty, thou dost stand
Throughout the changing year.
Lord God of Hosts! We now implore
Bless our dear land this day and evermore,
Bless our dear land this day and evermore.
In content the first couplet is the most neutral - perhaps too much so.
I think the worse problem is the very tinny-sounding "ing".
Just thinking about belting out the consonants of "With fertile plains" in song sets my teeth on edge.
The imagery isn't bad, though, except for some reason I keep thinking "fertile" ought to refer to something sexual. o_O
I haven't the faintest clue how to sing "Eternal beauty thou dost stand" in that part of the O Canada melody, which I'd consider a fatal flaw if any one thing could be fatal in song lyrics.
The final line falls a bit flat for me - maybe it just reminds me of people saying grace before dinner more than something grand and collective-transcendence-inspiring.
Conclusion: Keep for ideas if need be.
More famous is Ewing Buchan's version, which was the first alternate set of lyrics I had encountered:
O Canada, our heritage, our love
Thy worth we praise all other lands above.
From sea to sea throughout their length
From Pole to borderland,
At Britain's side, whate'er betide
Unflinchingly we'll stand
With hearts we sing, "God save the King",
Guide then one Empire wide, do we implore,
And prosper Canada from shore to shore."
I like this one the best, really, though the British Empire stuff is now just REALLY AWKWARD o_Q
While all four versions presuppose the singer's family goes way back in this country, it's the easiest to read the wording in this version as referring to a cultural heritage rather than a biological one.
The sea to sea imagery, despite being a direct translation of our national motto, is very reminiscent in our American-media-saturated minds of "America the Beautiful". Given the parallel (heh) histories of our countries I don't think this is all that bad; alternatively, it would be a first step in reclaiming the image.
At any rate, the "Pole to borderland" is a wonderfully evocative turn of phrase for the sorts of images that define our country's mythos, before or after 1982.
The most troubling thing for me is the grammatical ambiguity of "Thy worth we praise all other lands above". The intention seems to be "We praise thy worth above all other lands", but I keep hearing it as "We praise all other lands above thy worth".
Conclusion: Crib the first four lines, but get rid of the "above" ambiguity.
And finally, Weir, as officially adopted:
O Canada! Our home and native land!
True patriot love in all thy sons command.
With glowing hearts we see thee rise,
The True North, strong and free!
From far and wide, O Canada,
We stand on guard for thee.
God keep our land glorious and free!
O Canada, we stand on guard for thee.
O Canada, we stand on guard for thee.
Taken as a whole, I'm convinced that this was the best of the given versions, but simply because it being the status quo I've had more time to think about it my criticisms are somewhat longer.
There's the offending "all thy sons" line. I was uneasy with the sexism when I first heard the anthem at age six, and it's no better with age, but it's also kind of awkward grammatically - I'd parsed it wrongly as "sons' command" for years.
I also misparsed "native land" - keeping in mind I wasn't fluent in English at this point - as an acknowledgment that this land belonged to Natives. When apparently by letting longtime British subjects sing that Canada is their native land it implies the exact opposite of my misparse. o_O At any rate, as a first-gen immigrant I've tended to mumble my way through this line, though we do get a bone thrown to us with "from far and wide".
I had some choice words when they picked "with glowing hearts" as the 2010 motto - the main word being "appropriate", modified by other words like "sentimental", "meaningless" and "sappy". Not a fan.
"Glorious" is somewhat awkward, not for content but phonetics - when sung, the sibilant MAKES ITSELF HEARD in a bad way.
That all said, the official anthem is very easy to remember and the meter fits the melody perfectly, and the Weir version has the most religion-neutral and non-B.E.-dependent final section of all the options available.
Conclusion: Singable but uninspiring. Nonetheless, status quo and the least worst, and a good base.
(A thing I should address at this point, for those of you seeing these lyrics for the first time and noticing how the second half in every set goes: The way I see it, looking at our histories and founding myths and the wording of our Constitutions, Canada is a "Christian country" in a way the United States never was or could be without ceasing to be the United States and becoming Jeezusmerikuh. As such I don't find the overt God stuff in the anthem that objectionable and since it is a common theme for all three versions I'm going to run with it.)
Here's a splice of nearly unmodified lines:
O Canada, our heritage, our love
Thy worth we praise all other lands above.
From sea to sea throughout their length
From Pole to borderland,
From far and wide, O Canada,
For thee on guard we stand!
God keep our land glorious and free!
O Canada, we stand on guard for thee.
O Canada, we stand on guard for thee.
The change - reordering the first "we stand on guard for thee" to make it rhyme with "from pole to borderland" - seems a bit too cutesey-clever for an anthem. I could try writing a brand new line here using another word? Hand? (something about a sword in hand, like in the French language anthem?) Brand? (heh.) Reprimand? (Gawd no.) Grand? (Cue Bugs Bunny saying "Ain't she grand?" ... no.)
...and then it occurs to me:
O Canada, our heritage, our love
Thy worth we praise all other lands above.
From sea to sea throughout their length
From Pole to borderland,
From far and wide, whate'er betide,
Unflinchingly we'll stand
God keep our land glorious and free!
O Canada, we stand on guard for thee.
O Canada, we stand on guard for thee.
Actually, maybe I'll replace "whate'er betide" with "O Canada". I like how the official version takes the phrase out of its original context to give it variety while enhancing cohesion and reducing mental overhead in remembering it. Also argh that "e'er" thing
Now that we've got that over with: the "other lands above" problem.
Brainstorming rhymes: above, love, dove, shove, ... and WikiRhymer adds gov, glove and of. :/
Going back to the official version of the first couplet with a word replacement and a reversion to Weir's original wording in the second line, losing a bit of woodiness sadly.
O Canada, our home and sacred land
True patriot love thou dost in us command.
From sea to sea throughout their length
From Pole to borderland,
From far and wide, O Canada,
Unflinchingly we'll stand
God keep our land glorious and free!
O Canada, we stand on guard for thee.
O Canada, we stand on guard for thee.
Yeah, "glorious" is still in there, but it's not a bad word at all and I can't think of any alternative that doesn't end with an s. It's the lowest priority change in my mind, of the things I've mentioned.
The "unflinchingly we'll stand" still bothers me, though, now that "whate'er betide" is gone. Stand for what? It's just barely more sensical than "with glowing hearts". D: Maybe "on guard for thee" instead, though again that inversion, while really just motivated by desire for rhyme, just screams "self-absorbed Shakespear wannabe".
Going back to rhyme brainstorming. Command, land, sand, hand, gland, banned, fanned, demand, remand, canned, bland, brand, planned, band, expand. Blah.
Putting "Pole" last is not good, since we'd lose the transition from "length" and "borderland" to "far and wide".
Although, speaking of that transition... pole, borderland... borderland, pole... wide, tall, one, many...
...and fine, I'll keep the stupid glowy hearty whatever.
O Canada, our home and sacred land
True patriot love in glowing hearts command.
From sea to sea throughout their length
From Pole to borderland,
From far and wide, O Canada,
For thee as one we stand!
God keep our land glorious, strongand free!
O Canada, we stand on guard for thee.
O Canada, we stand on guard for thee.
[2015-10-09]
"From far and wide, O Canada" loses the rhyme that was in wide/betide and sing/king.
What rhymes with wide... don't want to use pride. Abide?
Sacred... NOW I am uncomfortable with that.
In contrast, a lot of the stuff about fathers, etc. is in retrospect much less objectionable since a good deal of worse is in my daily prayer rule. Intellectually the objection remains, but I'm going to allow a bit more compromise.
So that all said:
O Canada, our heritage, our land:
True patriot love in all our hearts command!
From sea to sea throughout their length
From pole to borderland,
From far and wide, we shall abide,
For thee as one we stand!
God keep our land glorious and free!
O Canada, we stand on guard for thee.
O Canada, we stand on guard for thee.